Inside Me

(Taken from my book of essays, written June 16, 2011)
It seems like I've been trying to write ever since I picked up a pencil for the very first time. But I always feel like a fool. A foal trying to race with the thoroughbreds. I feel like my efforts are so inadequate compared to those of the others around me. It is very frustrating to me.
There is a girl inside of me, forever begging to be let out. She's a genius you know. She is always crying for me to let her out, so that she can express herself. But it seems that I've lost the key that would set her free. No matter how hard I look, I can't find it. I am simply incapable of letting her out. She gets so frustrated with me, and I with her. Sometimes I will catch glimpses of her artistic genius... a little sketch here, a paragraph there... but never more.
How I long for the day when we can work together as one. I long for the day I am truly free from the limitations which have been imposed upon me... which I have imposed upon myself.
Most of all, I long for the day when instead of her mournful wails, I hear a sigh of contentment, or even happy laughter. She and I will be able to express ourselves, our ideas, feelings, and it shall all be a most beauteous, heavenly, perfectly happy time.
No more frustration inside me.
\Only joy.