He Gave Me You

You.

You are the one thing I can't be rid of.

The one thing I don't think I could do without.

All my life I have been waiting. Wishing. Wanting. Hoping. 

Praying.

To find the one thing just around the corner that would make me whole.

I have been beaten, bruised, and burned. I have risen time and again from all the rubble that came crashing down upon me when I thought I knew what it was and was wrong.

Betrayals, blisters, and broken bones. Yes, beneath all this armor I am just a person.

And I have always moved forward, roiling with pain and resolve to keep looking for that thing.

That one thing, I was always told, was just around the corner. I could almost taste it, tantalizingly close yet I had no idea what the hell it was that I was looking for.

One day I hit the end of my rope.

And that's when I found you.

As long as you've been here, things have been different. You are me, yet so different. I felt connected to you in a way that I have not been connected to someone before. You felt safe, even though every sign pointed to the contrary. 

A million red flags yet there we were, as if destined to be there together.

And I know I was not the only one who felt it. You felt it too, and so did everyone else around us. You came screaming into my life with a flash and a bang.

You brought life back to my heart when it was stone cold and grey. I felt beating again. I thought I never could. 

You found me, then you helped me find myself.

You were everything I ever wanted from anyone, everything I ever needed. Yet you were already saying goodbye, before we even had the chance to live. To be.

It was funny.

How quickly it all happened. We fell into each other. Found a rhythm. Moved in sync.

Then how suddenly it disappeared. When you felt the reality of what it was and what it could be, you were afraid.

It wasn't me this time. 

And while you were gone, every piece of me hurt. Because all my life I have been waiting, wanting, wishing. Praying.

Through sleepless, tearful nights. Through valleys and peaks. Blistering heat and bone chilling frost. I know what it is to be alone, to be hopeless, to be hurt.

So much so, that I nearly forgot what it was like to be warm.

And just when I thought I could get used to it, that's when it happened. 

The only thing worse than being cold is the shock of being thrown back to the elements.

You were my everything, and you cast me out.

And there I stood at the door, yet again.

Waiting, wishing, hoping. Praying. Pleading. Begging to every higher power that exists that the door would swing open one day and you would be standing there with open arms to welcome me back.

Because you never wanted me to leave.

And I never wanted to go.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

Anyone else would have, knowing that there were other houses out there to provide shelter from the bitter winds of life that bit and howled and pulled at me.

I didn't want another house, I wanted to go home.

And for once in my life, I got what I wanted.

I asked, and I received.

You are broken. Maybe more than I. And I don't care.

You are me, and I am you. Two pieces of one that fit together as though they were made for each other.

You are the piece of me that I always knew was missing.

I have spent years of my life waiting, wishing, hoping. Praying. Pleading. Sobbing, and then wasting away. Trying to have faith that something out there was waiting for me, something so perfect it could help me feel whole again, even though I never knew what that meant or how it felt.

And my prayers were answered.

He gave me you.

Now I've found you and I can't leave. I don't ever want to.

You are broken, but you are mine to cherish. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. In pleasure and in pain. Through comfort and through the cold. No matter how many times you bite me.

You are mine to cherish. That is my mission now and I can see how every single heartbreak has built me toward this. Every pain, every sleepless night.

He gave me you. 

And I won't ever let go.